Please forgive me…

You looked to me to love you, and I didn’t know how.  I had love that felt so big that I couldn’t keep hold of it, but I was broken, and insecure, and just couldn’t find my own worth.  I was blind to all the brokenness in myself, blind to all the ways I carried danger within – but not blind at all to how bright, and funny, energetic, you were.  Nor to the depth of emotion that you seemed to be able to navigate with grace.  For years I wanted someone to notice me, anyone really – someone who would see worth in me I hoped was there, but didn’t see myself, and had nothing in me settled on Rock.  I think you may have been the first one to see in me something worthy of exploration.  Thank you for what you invested in and shared with me.  I didn’t understand the gravity of it all then, but I understand it now.

I know that I hurt your heart.  I didn’t know then, that the passion in itself wasn’t love.  I didn’t know how to guard my own heart, much less how to guard yours.  I didn’t know anything really.

Just know that what I felt for you was real, and has lasted within me all these years.  I wish that I could have loved you then, and more, I hope that God will heal you, and that you will know love born in Him, and within His blessing.

I pray that you can forgive me.