Running the Race

The more I think on it, the more persuaded I become that I am not running the race, or at the very least, not running it the way that God intended.I know that the goal, the end of the race, is Heaven. Even my understanding of heaven - as much as I can have an understanding based on the scriptures at any rate - is incomplete, but let us move past that particular ignorance, and accept that heaven (post terrestrial-breathing) is the goal. In that light, Heaven is guaranteed by God to all who it is His intention to save with a deposit of His own sprit - each Christian coming to their own knowledge of that guarantee through an illumination granted by the same Spirit that God invests in those He chooses. So heaven, for those who "believe", for those who are regenerate, changed, etc, is a guarantee - by no effort of their own, and per a selection criteria that will never make any sense to those who are chosen - purely at the will and pleasure of the God that chose them. I believe it ... lets move on.

So now that you're chosen... and you believe that you're chosen ... and one way or another you realize that have been granted a place, and a knowledge, an understanding of the workings and hierarchy of the universe (and that you are on the very bottom rung of it), and an eternity that you have no right to, do not deserve, and can never live up to. And, in all that knowledge - possibly accumulated over a long period of time, or possibly arrived upon in the same moment as the realization of your identity as "saved" - you find yourself with a desire to do – to do in thankfulness, to do good, in the name of the one who pulled your vision out of blackness; a blackness of which you were not even aware, and permeated every fiber of your being.

The doing part is where it gets complicated. You see, where those that follow God are concerned, there is not doing of a thing with the Blessing of God, that is not His will or intent for you to do. Example. David. David loved God, and God gave David tasks to do - specific tasks, like the battling and defeating of the tribes and peoples surrounding Jerusalem. David, in His fervor, and in his love, and gratitude for all the blessings that God had heaped into and on his life (I assume anyway), wanted to build a temple for God. In fact, God even bestowed the gathering of materials and some of the design for the temple onto David - and David wanted to build it. But God had plans that were other than David's desire. It wasn't that David's desire wasn't pure (at least its not explicitly indicated that David had other than pure God-honoring motives for his desire), and it wasn't that the building of the Temple wasn't in line with God's will ... BUT, God had other plans for His temple, and ultimately God told David why (at least a reason that David could understand/grasp, given David's history up to that point in his life - there may have been others that David would not have understood, and reasons that, to impart them to a human mind, might very well have turned his brain into tapioca).

Here's the thing. I know, and I believe that God has set aside good works for every believer to do. I beieve this because in the Bible,

Ephesians 2:10 "For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them " (ESV).

But you just don't go getting it in your mind, the day that you come to knowledge of your own salvation, that you are going to move to Iran, stand on a street corner, preach that Jesus is the Savior, and build a New Testement Temple that honors God in the midst of those who would kill you. Why not? Because it might not be God's plan for YOU that you build his temple. See, a fervor to live for God, or more explicitly - Die for God - doesn't mean that it is Gods will that you be martyred for God, irrespective of how much good such a fervent display of devotion to God might bring - in your own understanding. Because - and here is the real crux of the matter - your understanding (microscopic and irresistible as it may be) and vision of the world and what is best for it, and how to get to that "best" result is completely irrelevant in terms of God's will. Lots of examples of how people’s desire to orchestrate God's will for Him backfired in a major way, and ultimately grieves God, and in many cases the rest of the world for all time.

So there's all this work, and so few workers. There's all this harvest - and so few harvesters. There is this race.....

2 Timothy 4:7 "...I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith."
1 Corinth 9:4 "...Do you not know that in a race all the runners compete, but only one receives the prize? So run that you may obtain it. "
Hebrews 12:1 "...Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, ..."

I WANT to run the race ...
I WANT to work in the Fields of the Father ...
I WANT to be part of the Harvest - or to plant, or to water, or to prepare the soil ...
I WANT TO BE A GOOD AND FAITHFUL SERVANT!

I always felt like it was the "burden" - the tasks set aside for us to do - that was the goal(s) for which we were racing. Almost without exception, it seemed to me that when the New Testament writers wrote on "running" or "finishing" the race, it seemed to me that were talking about discharging to the utmost, the charge of a ministry or service to God, through his people.So, with nothing more than a desire to serve, to obey, and be used, I have waited in the starting blocks (to continue with the running metaphor), for the gun to start me on a race (mission) that I can be certain serves God, and is not some veiled desire to serve myself, or my ego.

NOW - HOWEVER >>>>>>>>>

I think that my understanding isn't complete, or maybe completely off-base. I think that there is no goal ... in this life at all, to which the "race" analogy strictly applies. I think that the running, is the goal. To keep going, to keep striving. What is it to run? To know, commune, talk to, and be changed and descipled by God and his scriptures left for us that we might all know Him, and know Him in the same way. Running, is to pray for our own understanding, and for the lives and ministries of those we know, or His entire church. And toward those that don't know Him? To take every opportunity to tell those who are lost, those who are hurting - that there is peace, and understanding, and strength to be found in the veil. And to do so, without the need to have immediate harvest results. AND TO LOVE. To love above all else. To do those things that we can do everyday, without an end in mind or in sight, and those things which we cannot do any-day, unless we are firmly within the grip of Him who saved us; that we would not think the temples, and kingdom walls, and harvests, were brought about by our own doing.

Running ... Doing what it is that I can do to ensure that I never lose sight of the fact that I am but a tool in God's hand for His purpose, and no purposes are greater than others; there is only obedience. Moses obeyed God, as did Abraham, as did many between then and now ... many whose names are not remembered in any book or story, but are celebrated by the saints and the cloud of witnesses that have come before.Now the how.

How do I keep running - with passion, and love, and fervor, and humility? I suppose only through the grace of God and through supplication to Him that gives generously.


God-
Make a good runner. Make in me the servant heart that will please you. At the end, Lord, when this life is over ... my hearts desire, is to open my eyes under your loving face, and to hear you say, " ... you have fought the good fight, you have finished the race, you have kept the faith ... well done, good and faithful servant...". I have no greater desire that to be found pleasing in your eyes, and that my life in obedience, would make your heart smile. Though I don't know how to do it Lord. Help me to be what would please you, and remember your promises to your people to not forsake them, regardless of their sin, and to complete the work you began in them; the work you began in me...

My Mother Has Cancer

My mother has Cancer. Actually she's had cancer for many years. She has been very blessed however, and everytime a test shows she has developed cancer somewhere new, God has provided ... provided time. An she is still here ... being.

I remember the fist time her cancer heally hit me. I was out of college, and living in Austin, off east William Cannon. I don't remember the moment that someone told me, or the condtions surrounding when or where I was told. But I remember the prayer that God put in my heart.

I was pretty new to my faith, I say my faith because the faith I had at that time was real, and my own, and it hadn't been more than a few years since I could say that. It was an amazing time, when more than anything else, my entire focus and energy was centered on finding yet more and different ways to give to God what I could, to find ways of becoming more dependant on Him, and truly ... truly reveling, basking, in the Love that had reached into my life. The prayer that been the cry of my heart, the bellowing blasting softness that drove me to my knees, and then swept me to the horizon like a warm breeze coaxing the waves across the world ... the prayer that began my life was, "...Your will God, and all for you...". The first prayer wasn't even words ... and only later - in lookin back - could I say what it was thay my tears and my heart had suffered ... had uttered in sylables only God could hear. But that prayer, still in my heart, found words the afternoon I brought my heart for my mother to God.

I prayed, I wept, and I sang ... no lyrics, or bridges, and nothing that any ear would recognize, but a lament the likes to which my heart has not known since, and one born of images. Pictures. Pictures dancing on raging color across the backs of my eyes, moments of my mother laughing, of my mother wearing a Santa Hat, and making thanksgiving dinner, and chasing my child's feet in the front yard of the church, and holding me close when my child's world seemed to be falling down all around me ... and then ... images of what had not yet come ... weddings, and births, and Christmases and moments ... ... soft and warm candle-flames of laughter and joy, and love and a million other things that would make her smile, and make the world seem small. And with all the desire in my life, and all the future I had ever wished for myself, and all the strength I could muster, I begged that God would save her, that she would see those things in her life that brought color to her future ... and then I asked, inasmuch as I could ask for anything, that God's will would be done ... that if her life was required that God's will would find its way in the world ... that no-one would find bitterness in her death, but instead would be filled with longing for that thing which had been always at the fulcrum of her desire ... that whatever God's will was ... that He would find Glory.

Knowing I had no part in the founding or shaping of tomorrow ... I put her life ... and her death ... squarely in the hands of God. Those hands ... the only trustworthy things in all the world that I have ever known - and were, and are, and will be in life or death.

How I prayed. I don't know how long I knelt in my bedroom that afternoon, but when I rose, I knew that if it were within the realm of God's will that my mother's life could be spared, that it would be... and when it was God's time to bring her home to Him - that it too, would be so ... and she would be with Him, in His arms, in His eyes, and her life in all the Deapth, and Fullness of God would begin with the first sinnless blink ... on the other side of the veil.

I love my mother. She fights on, with hospitals, and treatments, and thankfulness for every moment in her own way.

My mother has Cancer. An God, has my mother.

Out There...

Have you ever thought, "... I really wish there was some way to get my thoughts out there, to ... I don't know initiate dialogue with friends - or "people" - on topics that only occur to you in the quiet moments?

Well - I have. Lots. And I hope this effort will become one that really initiates the expression of the passion I feel on a regular basis, and allows those who care to keep up with me a way to share those passions.

Onward-